Right after Steve passed, I focused on two things. Calling out to God in my pain, and missing Steve.
I wore his favorite T-shirt to bed every night. I wore his wedding ring on my thumb, and I carried his bible with me to church.
Then one day the fog cleared; and I realized that I was only causing myself more pain by doing this.
So I put the ring on my dresser, put the T-shirt in my underwear drawer, put his bible on the shelf, and took my own bible to church.
The first time that I opened my bible; a paper fell out. I realized that he had written a love letter to me before he left; for me to find after he was gone.
I started this whole thing with Donna’s Love Letter to Steve. It only seems right to end this series of posts with Steve’s Love Letter to Donna. Some would say that I should not post it for the whole world to read, and I have thought long and hard about it. But I live my life transparently, and am very proud to share how much this man loved me. I hope that it encourages someone else to write a love letter to the one that they love, before a time like this has a chance to happen in their life.
April 7th 2017
By the time that you find this, I will be gone. I put it in your bible because I know that you will turn to God, and you be carrying this around a lot. I know that we had some time to say the things that we need to say to each other, but life will happen-you will move on and I do not want you to forget what I have to say to you.
Since I have gotten sick, I see your determination to save me. Donna-you have always referred to me as your hero. But you have become mine.
I watch you researching, I hear you praying, I feel you crying in the bed next to me at night. I feel you get up and go to the bathroom, because you do not want me to know that your are crying. I feel you place your hand on my abdomen when you think that I am asleep, and I know that you are praying with all that you have. Your childlike faith has always amazed me. You really believe that God is not only listening, but that He talks to you. Though I cannot say that I have experienced this, I know that you do. I pray to hear his voice as clearly as you do.
I will fight to stay with you as long as I can, but I want you to know that I am ready to go. I know that you will find your peace in God, but know this-if there is any way that I can be there to comfort you I will. I know that you do not like to be alone in the house at night-so that is when I will be there.
You have been the best wife that this man could ever ask for. I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. You have inspired me to become much more than I am. In your playful way, you have made me feel like a king. You have encouraged me in so many ways. You come across both sweet and helpless at times; causing me to want to rise up and be the hero that you say that I am, but in reality- you are the strongest woman that I have ever known. Donna- you are strong, and you will get through this. I hate leaving you, I want to spend many more years loving you, and being loved by you.
Allow God to surround you with good people. Ask for help when you need it. You have many friends who love you and will help. This place will become too much for you. You will know when the time is right to sell it.
Thank you for loving me like you have- playfully and thoroughly, never “missing and opportunity”.
It has been an honor to be what you had engraved in my wedding ring;
Your best friend, your lover, and your hero.