Steve had paid the bills. I just gave him my portion of the money to do so.
Although Steve created a budget for me from his hospital bed; there were still details that I had to figure out for myself. I was in a fog too, so it was a very interesting time. Changing accounts and passwords. Trying to maneuver the cobra insurance through Steve’s employer was probably the hardest. These things have taken me months.
In the first month; the air conditioner went out, the TV would not work, I ended up having the batteries replaced in 2 of the three cars. I finally sold the two extra vehicles. The irrigation sprung some leaks; flooding the front yard, and I was walking around like a zombie.
I avoided coming home until I had too. Friends and family slowly stopped coming by to “check” on me. That was hard. But I knew that everyone was busy. I had no children at home to keep me going, and the hobbies that I had learned to love had lost their flavor.
I tried to go back to church, but it was too painful to sit alone in the church that Steve and I attended together. So I prayed about where I should go. I knew that in order for me to heal; I needed to serve. The very day that I prayed about it; 3 different patients at work suggested the same church.
So I called the singles department. I said “I do not consider myself a widow, I do not consider myself a single. I am not looking for a man. I just need to serve. My ministry has always been to hurting women.” They said “Come on in”