The kids all went home to their lives and families. But I returned to an empty house.
I cannot say that my life was empty. I still had friends and family. But when your life companion is gone; there are hours of emptiness and loneliness. Bedtime is the worst. Waking up to an empty bed is the worst, no wait-coming home from work to an empty house is the worst.
So what did I do? I went right back to work. The day after the funeral. I left the house a mess. I volunteered to work overtime, and I was gone as much as possible.
My gardens turned to weedy messes, my animals were barely attended to. The food rotted in the fridge, and the dust bunnies grew in size and number.
In my still hours though, I turned to God. I have been a Christian for many years, but now I had a hunger and thirst that I have not had in a long time. My prayers were constant and sweeter than I can ever remember. I can honestly say that losing my best friend drove me to my knees, and the peace that I was finding made me want to stay there.
Not only did I feel God’s presence near, but I felt Steve. Especially at night in our room. It was not scary or overwhelming. It was comforting. Sometimes I spoke out loud to Steve, but mostly I talked to God. If I was not finding so much peace in it, I would have thought that I was going nuts.
The thing that I found most interesting was that I was always just a little afraid in this big scary house, especially when Steve was out of town overnight. But to this day, I have not felt one moment of spookiness since Steve has been gone. I still feel comforted and protected somehow. Thank you Steve.