Each year on my birthday, Steve and I go on a short trip with my two grown kids and their spouses (spice?). This year, we had already made plans for a trip to a friend’s cabin in Strawberry Arizona. We could have cancelled, but I was hoping that the change of scenery, and time with the kids and grandkids would cheer Steve up.
So I took Friday April 7th off of work to get some errands run. As I drove, of course I prayed.
I got to my 1st destination and the lady there had known me for about 20 years. We talked while we worked and she said “Donna, what I am hearing you say is that you have strong faith…but you are telling God what you want Him to do. You are not laying your desires at His feet, and allowing Him to take control.”
I must say that I was not comfortable with her words. Secretly I knew that she was right, but I was busy trying to talk God into healing Steve. So I changed the subject. She gave a look that I recognized as “I love you-you poor misguided little thing.”
When I got to my second destination, I met with a lady who knew me for about 14 years. She was also a good friend of Steve’s. After she patiently listened to my story; she said “Donna, what I am hearing you say…” I wanted to roll my eyes as she said exactly what my first friend had said. But I focused really hard, and made my eyes stay still. I also focused really hard to not cry. I was afraid that if I started, I would not stop. I had to be brave, because I my faith was strong, and I did not want to waiver in what I believed could happen.
On the way home, I did not want to pray. I knew that God was waiting for me to give it all to Him. But I was being so stubborn. The silence in my car was deafening as He waited and I refused. I turned on the radio, but for some reason I was not able to tune into anything.
“Ok, fine. God” I said, “I know what you are waiting for! You want me to give Steve to you. Ok, I give him to you! There I said it. My friends are right, I am just trying to talk you into healing Steve.” The answer both scared me, and yet gave me such a peace.
God showed me my fist gripping Steve. He told me that He was going to help me let go of Steve, and showed me my little finger straightening out, and then my ring finger, and then my middle finger, my pointer finger, and my thumb. He showed me my hand palm up. He told me that He would help me through this process. He would not leave me, and that He was going to do something new with me.
You can call me crazy, but through this whole situation; this vision/discussion is what has given me peace, and kept me from losing it.