From the day that Steve went to the ER. and forward; he never felt quite right. He told me that he felt that he was “in a fog”. He was exhausted, and laid on the couch a lot. He would get up to sit at the computer to work on projects. He even went to work a couple of days, and said that he pretty much laid his head on his desk all day.
I took him to my employer that Monday. I work for a naturopath, and told him that we were willing to try whatever was available. This doctor ordered IVs and treatments for Steve at his cost, but made no promises.
We had an appointment with the oncologist on the Thursday following. The doctor told him that he needed to start working on his bucket list. He was given 6 months without chemo. The only option that they had for him was a trial that would cause him to be very sick.
Steve looked at all the people in the waiting room. They looked miserable, shivering and glassy eyed. When we got to the car he said “You need to understand Donna, that I will not do that to myself. I will go the naturopath route only, if it does not work, well then..that’s that.”
He went to work and told his boss; signed up for short term disability, and came home to lay on the couch.
Whenever he felt well, we would talk. I think that he did it for me. I do not think that he needed to talk, but he knew that I did.
I felt mobilized into action though. I took him to people that owned machines that were supposed to heal with energy. I made up concoctions for him to take, made the most nutritious food that I ever made in my life, and I prayed.
For most of my life, I have been a believer. As a kid, I believed that I had magical powers (sometimes I still do). Then I believed that if you want something bad enough, you can help it happen. Later I matured into a Christian who believes that the real magic is the spirit of God.
I prayed in the shower, I prayed in the car, I laid my hands on him to pray while he was sleeping, and I prayed out in the pasture.
One time, I was on my knees in the pasture crying, praying, no begging really; for God to heal him. I reminded Him of the story in the bible where friends lowered a man to where Jesus was teaching. When Jesus saw this he healed the man because of the faith of the friends. I told God that I had that kind of faith and asked Him to heal Steve because of it. God told me loud and clear “Donna, this one is not about you. Steve is my son and he is a warrior, but he needs to go through this, and your job is just to comfort him”. I thought that this was odd, because Steve is such a peace loving guy.
I went in the house and sat next to the couch and said “Steve, I just had the most amazing talk with God” Steve said “So did I, apparently I am supposed to be some kind of warrior.”